Twitter outage: Ten things to do while Twitter is down

by Julie on August 12, 2009

So…last week, Twitter was attacked. If you use this social media site, then it was disturbing – not only because it felt to many of us like we’d lost an important appendage (like a leg or a tongue) – but also because the problem seemed to linger. In fact, Twitter is still having trouble. As I was busy wallowing and freaking out a little, Cheryl Phillips (aka @TheDailyBlonde) wrote this… (and graciously agreed to let me repost it here for all of you)

Originally posted on Examiner.com

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Twitter outage: Ten things to do while Twitter is down

Twitter has been down most of the morning day. This could be why people are taking Xanax by the handful a bit edgy. The US Marines don’t have to worry about that because they are banned from using Twitter but for some, it’s a state of emergency.

“We are determining the cause and will provide an update shortly,” Twitter’s staff posted at 6:43 a.m. PDT on the service’s status blog.

Shortly was hours ago, which in Twitter time is years. To heal the pain temporarily, I’ve come up with a few ideas on what to do while the Twitter gurus fix what’s ailing the site.

Go on Facebook, your default social scene, and write an update that goes something like this: “Twitter is down for maintenance. I need a Valium.”

Send someone a “Piece of Flair” on Facebook because you’ve secretly always wanted to tell someone that they have absolutely none.

Plant a seed. Not a real one. A thought seed. I just saw this tweeted last night…apparently it’s the fancy new term for “use your brain and come up with an idea”. Plant a seed. Isn’t that how babies are created? I’m done with that.

Study your new eBook How To Be A Social Media Evangelist” that you got sucked into buying with the remainder of your grocery budget.  After you read it, tell me what a Social Media Evangelist is. I’m curious.

Go sign up for a service like TweetLater and start typing in tweets so they will fire off like heavy artillery when Twitter comes back from its siesta.

Leave your home or office. Or your home office. Go outside. Talk to someone without typing. Is it me or is that just really, really strange?

Think up a list of annoying DM replies that you can use to respond to direct message Evangelists who send DMs such as: “Your Twitter followers are about to explode! You’ll have 16,000 more by midnight with my proven method.” Somehow that doesn’t make sense. If my followers explode, they will be gone. Are the 16,000 mere replacements? That’s just genius level stuff.

Take a shower. I mean it. You’ve taken “working from home” a little too far. It’s OK to take this Twitter down time as a signal that you really need to step away from the computer and freshen up.

If you work all day, it might be a great chance for you to at least get an hour of work in. Your boss might appreciate the fact that Twitter is down and productivity is up.

Light a candle and relax a bit. Think outloud and say, “Self, we’re going to be OK. It’s only Twitter. I’ve struggled through situations that were not this tough, but I’m willing to go the distance.”

Hopefully the issues will be fixed soon. Once Twitter is back it is perfectly alright to rush over to BlipFM and tweet out a song of joy. Perhaps a little Barry Manilow: “Looks Like We Made It”.

Check out everything Cheryl – she writes regularly for the Examiner and on her own hilarious blog.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Andi August 12, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Awesome, love it! I had thought that the funniest thing regarding the outage thus far was this quote: “When Twitter is down, address all complaints to the Dept of Things U Don’t Pay 4, U Entitled Crybaby!” But this tops it! Thanks for the laughter and levity.

2 Julie August 12, 2009 at 1:28 pm

HAAAA!!! That is hilarious. Thanks for sharing that one…

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